Safe and sound

I remember you said
Don't leave me here alone

This will be a hectic month for most of us

That's why I seldom get the chance to know about you,my friends

How are you? Hope you are doing well

For those who are going to sit for STPM on 19 Nov
syane.ms.h2o wishes you all the best in your exam

For those who are going to have any midterm test or class test or final exam

syane.ms.h2o hopes the lady luck will be with you all the time

Today I'm just being random 

Suddenly miss here so much 

I think it's because I have not been blogging for quite a long time

That's why I have the inspiration but I fail to express it completely

Actually sth happened which made me wonder WHY

God,You keep sending me some messages which I think somehow it is a clue for me

To teach me how to behave 

However, it doesn't work 

I just can't restrict myself and my feeling

Maybe I have misinterpreted Your message

I just need Your guidance

Or should I just go with what I think and hold for such a long time?
I don't know and seriously I have no idea

God, please guide me

You want me to CHANGE or TRANSFORM 

I will really think about it 

In the process, I will need a lot of determination and courages

I sincerely hope You can guide me to the right path

I don't wish to pursue the wrong thing even I hope it is right for me at this moment

October!

It has been few weeks I didn't blog

I guess everyone is so busy until no one notice I have ditched my bloggie for so long

It seems that October is a busy month for everyone

Those who are having study break, especially Lichin

All the best in your EOS examinations

Study hard and take care!
First and foremost, I would like to thank those who planned so hard to give me a birthday surprise!
It was an advanced birthday celebration on 221012

I'm dumb as usual

Actually I guess sth is going on but I didn't know it was on yesterday 

I'm happy and surprised by those awesome friends

This surprise was very special because there are my high school friend, pre-U friends and uni friends

Now I would like to thank them one by one

Thank you, Karen. My only Punjab friend!
Thanks for putting so much effort in making the gift and I knew you started planning it one month ago

I really appreciate that 

Thank you for bringing those pizzas and flying from Bangsar to Bukit Jalil just to give me a surprise

Thanks for running here and there to get some "things" done 

Seriously,I really APPRECIATE!

Thank you, Jenn. One of my awesome and super caring friends!

Thanks for wasting your money to invite friends to join this "surprise giving event"

I know you get stressed up because you couldn't have enough time to get your tasks done

I really hope you can cure your insomnia 

Thanks for everything

Thank you, Lichin. My 7 years friend!
Never know you come here was part of the plan

Thought you really miss me and want to meet me up :p

Your "study plan" in IMU sounds real and convincing

Never expect you to come here and give me surprise too! 

And stay overnight!!!

I feel so close and warm! Sincerely...

I really hope you enjoyed too

Thank you,sweetheart!

Thank you Khai for flying from Taylor to Titiwangsa LRT Station

From Titiwangsa to Sri Petaling

It made me feel so touched and I was so shocked to see you

Thank you for sparing your time to come here

I'm glad to meet you up and know you're doing well

Thank you Zac and Teck Kok. My uni brothers!

I know it is quite awkward for you guys to join my pre-U friends and high school friend to give me surprise

I'm touched because you guys made it for me 

It is my pleasure to meet you guys even though we like to tease each other

But seriously, I appreciate you guys! 

You guys did help me quite a lot

Thanks a lot!

I would like to thank my housemate as well because he needs to bear with our noisiness 

Thank you Chia Ren

Last but not least,

I want to thank the most special friend, my only one who is far far away!

I don't know what you did behind me to arrange or plan all this

I heard from someone that you put in effort to give idea 

You are the one who know me the most 

You know what I like and you're trying so hard to give me what I like

I'm touched! Besides touching, I don't know what word I should use to express

I know something is flying to me and you are the sender

Thank you in advanced for that 

I appreciate you...really...

In a nutshell, I would like to bow 90 degree to thank all of you

To show my appreciation, I will love you guys more 

And treasure you as my super awesome friends! 

Muacxxxxxzzzzz...
The photos will be uploaded soon!

Enjoy the cam-whore session with Jenn and Lichin!
<3

*A random message to Zichina Cheah
May God help you to make you stronger 

May God help you to solve your problems 

*A random message to Puishan Tan

I hope you have a happy starting in HELP

All the best in your degree life!
<3

眼泪

时间越久，我以为我越能放得下

其实我越不能放下

走到哪里，我都仿佛能感觉你

看到你的影子

从来没有试过这一种感觉，这一种痛

躺着躺着，眼泪不知觉地流下来，弄湿了枕头

脑海里不断浮现同一个影子

其实现实一直不断在告诉我，是时候放手

没有了爱做基础，那什么都不是

既然对方那么努力地隐藏及说服自己放手

那我又何必紧捉着不放呢

因为我爱，我在乎，我不希望这样子结束

我一直不断地说服自己，做回朋友

可是还有爱，我就会期待，我真的希望会有转机

一向认为只要曾经努力去争取过

就算没有成功也没关系

至少对得起自己的心，至少努力过

这一回，我想努力的机会被剥夺了

我真的是彻底的失败了

难道是我太天真？

我的情绪很低落，因为我们再也不是我们了

一切有意义的，如今都变得没有意义了

嘴里的面条，掺杂着泪水的咸与苦

此刻的我只想找一个可靠的肩膀或者是一双耳朵

让我发泄，让我诉苦

不断的抽泣与哽咽，让我没有办法好好的进食

现在的我只能告诉自己，I'm on my own..

有很多想要跟他分享的东西，我都得往肚里吞

Let those unsaid words remain unsaid

我告诉我自己，我要自私一点，绝一点

到底要怎样我才做得到？

因为还有爱，我心软，我做不到

王俐璇，振作一点，你可以的！

First Day of Oct- Monday Blue

I woke up quite early this morning to get my PTPTN documents done

I went to have breakfast with my dad

When I was eating halfway, I recalled our fond memories

I recalled a scene where you and I were sitting in the bus 

I recalled a scene where both of us were studying in DSA room

I recalled our Tioman trip

I recalled our Singapore fried meehoon 

Then the first thought which came across my mind is

I want to tell you how much I miss you

"Bee,I miss you so badly.."

I did say it in another way

End up with a reply of "haha"

So many things have changed which I don't really wish to

I thought I have accepted the truth

However, when come to certain point, I just can't 

How much I miss you..all my thoughts..

I dare not to share and I think I'm not supposed to share

I have no one to share about all this

It is so suffering because I have to keep all to myself

Type halfway now and my vision is getting blurrer 

Heartbroken..heartache..

I'm no longer important to you

No longer..

I feel so sad when I think about this 

My time was occupied with quite a lot of stuff 

But I just can't help it when those things keep popping out

And you keep running in my mind

Nowadays, I think you can hardly spare time for me

You sounds normal but I keep feeling one kind

I don't know this is because I'm too sensitive or what

It seems that I varnish in your life

No longer care no longer important no longer love

I don't know what you feel actually

I don't know...

It seems that you won't feel lonely or empty without me

You are still okay even without me

My existence doesn't give any impact to your life anymore

I know I'm negative now 

I may regret with what I typed here in the next min

I hate the feeling of insecure 

I'm on my own..

To do everything..

I'm tired

By the way, I know some of you are very caring 

I feel it! Seriously..

I keep it in my heart

I really appreciate

To noname

Remember what I told you in the evening

Don't think so much..

New page of life

This week is going to my 4th week of degree life

Here comes October

In September, there are so many things happened in my life and your life 

Since it will be a brand new month, I hope everything will be smooth and good to you and to me

I'm here to say I'm okay

I'm coping quite well

So far so good 

The decision isn't that bad when I think about it more deeply

Guess my recovery is 80% ady

But yea.. I still cannot let go 100%

There is still <3 

Well, you can't expect me to let go 100% at once

If it does happen means my loves before are not true and sincere

Thank you to hectic degree life

It makes me cope with it better

However, the hectic life makes me feel so stressful 

I need to gain my efficiency back in order to accomplish every single task I have

I wish to be hardworking and take initiative to do what I should

Sometimes I just can't help it

The slack side of me wish to pop out and take a breath 

As the result of it, I will be super stressful because I'm running out of time

Now tonnes of i-lectures and revision are waiting for me

So many confusions that I have to clarify before the next lecture starts

If not it will end up with tonnes of question marks

Sometimes I really don't know how to revise and learn on my own

When come to self-centred learning or even with lecturers

It seems I'm on my own

No one can help me besides those books with thousands pages

Face laptop most of the time until I feel so sick of it

With my earphone on, I'm definitely not enjoying the music

But the i-lecture instead

I will try my best to get myself back to the right track

Do whatever I can so I will not regret with what I did

Thanks to the pain

I wish I can really grow stronger, more positive and more independent

One more thing..

I wish I can find a perfect study buddy

I need study buddy so badly

And at this moment, I will miss you as my study buddy

The best study buddy I ever have

Dear friends

Say goodbye to September and say Hi to October

Smile =)

Life WITHOUT you

Even if you pinch me or bite me

I can truly feel the pain 

It is the truth and the reality

It is not hallucination

I know the pain will fade and I know time will heal my wound

I thought numbness can make me feel better

I thought I keep hypnotising myself and I will feel better

The truth is a NO

I will still tear and cry

We can never go back to last time

The closest we can be

No more...

If you ask me am I still loving him?

I will just smile because it is a strong YES in my deep heart core

 Yet I cannot show it or say it

You expect me to act like nothing happen before?

No way..

Those who know me, you know how organised I am

You know my principle and character

I just have to force myself to change since everything is different now

It is no longer the same

This is the most heartbroken part in this incident

Maybe I am not strong and matured enough

I cannot be as positive as you do

I should bury myself with work and revision

I feel so heavyhearted to let you go just like that

I feel that both of us still need each other

You want me to be your close friend

Then I will need a super strong and secured lock to lock all my feelings in a HUGE box

There must be no key for the lock

If not, I will be very soft-hearted to unlock it and you will be flooded with all the loves

Can our graph be an increasing gradient curve and level off instead of a normal distribution curve?

God, you put me into this kind of situation for me to learn?

I'm suck in self-learning

Can You please help me? 

Sorry readers. This is the only way I can express myself instead of crying

This is so touching..

I hope I can own you once again..

For your information, I typed my previous blog post on last Friday

Due to something, I reverted it to draft

These few days,I suffered the worst pain I have ever experienced

I know you suffer the same pain as me

I never blame you for this

Both of us came out with such a decision

I have told you most of the thing I felt

Here..the true feeling that I'm feeling right now

I feel extremely suffering and painful

The memory and so many things pop out

I keep tearing and spilling h2o

I feel my eyes sore, slowly eyes feel warm, then the tear come out unstoppably 

The pain is like someone take a knife and slice me

I feel like calling you bee

I feel like acting cute when I reply you

I feel like telling you every single things I feel

But now, I can no longer do that

Do you know how sad I feel when I typed "bee" and I deleted it?

I have put a tap in my heart to control my feeling

There cannot be a "drop" of love drip from the tap 

Nothing is more painful that you have to separate from the one you love 

Now it is officially end

I have to remember that my status to you is "friend"

You wish I can be your best friend who can listen to you 

I can but it is super duper hard for me to do so

I feel heartache because you are alone there 

Sometimes you get homesick or you face something else

You have no one to share

I always hope I can be there for you to share anything 

Neither you nor me are wrong

No one will need to take the responsibility for this incident

You hope I will be fine 

I do likewise

I feel more heartache when you try so hard to make me feel better and more positive

But you are actually facing the same thing and you have to keep it to yourself 

I can no longer think for your side as now I can't even help myself

The feeling is terrible

As what people said, this will be over soon

Time will heal every single wounds

But at this moment, I just can't stop myself from sobbing 

The sorrow did not disappear even I have cried so hard

It never get lighten 

This situation is almost the same as the day you left me

I don't know this decision is right or wrong

I don't know what God is going to give me or take away from me next time

My mind is just in a mess

Sometimes I choose not to think, just move on

It works but only last for a while

Thank you for those who care about me

I feel you and appreciate your concerns

I will just need time

Perseverance does not work when you are not given a chance

This is so so so demoralising 

I don't have much confidence now

Last time, those people who encourage me to go ahead and hold still

Your encouragements are such a great strength for me to persevere and I never doubt it

Now all this have been ruined

Gone...

I still love you

But now I have to let go 

Close the file 

*This garden is going to be flooded*