New page of life

This week is going to my 4th week of degree life

Here comes October

In September, there are so many things happened in my life and your life 

Since it will be a brand new month, I hope everything will be smooth and good to you and to me

I'm here to say I'm okay

I'm coping quite well

So far so good 

The decision isn't that bad when I think about it more deeply

Guess my recovery is 80% ady

But yea.. I still cannot let go 100%

There is still <3 

Well, you can't expect me to let go 100% at once

If it does happen means my loves before are not true and sincere

Thank you to hectic degree life

It makes me cope with it better

However, the hectic life makes me feel so stressful 

I need to gain my efficiency back in order to accomplish every single task I have

I wish to be hardworking and take initiative to do what I should

Sometimes I just can't help it

The slack side of me wish to pop out and take a breath 

As the result of it, I will be super stressful because I'm running out of time

Now tonnes of i-lectures and revision are waiting for me

So many confusions that I have to clarify before the next lecture starts

If not it will end up with tonnes of question marks

Sometimes I really don't know how to revise and learn on my own

When come to self-centred learning or even with lecturers

It seems I'm on my own

No one can help me besides those books with thousands pages

Face laptop most of the time until I feel so sick of it

With my earphone on, I'm definitely not enjoying the music

But the i-lecture instead

I will try my best to get myself back to the right track

Do whatever I can so I will not regret with what I did

Thanks to the pain

I wish I can really grow stronger, more positive and more independent

One more thing..

I wish I can find a perfect study buddy

I need study buddy so badly

And at this moment, I will miss you as my study buddy

The best study buddy I ever have

Dear friends

Say goodbye to September and say Hi to October

Smile =)

Life WITHOUT you

Even if you pinch me or bite me

I can truly feel the pain 

It is the truth and the reality

It is not hallucination

I know the pain will fade and I know time will heal my wound

I thought numbness can make me feel better

I thought I keep hypnotising myself and I will feel better

The truth is a NO

I will still tear and cry

We can never go back to last time

The closest we can be

No more...

If you ask me am I still loving him?

I will just smile because it is a strong YES in my deep heart core

 Yet I cannot show it or say it

You expect me to act like nothing happen before?

No way..

Those who know me, you know how organised I am

You know my principle and character

I just have to force myself to change since everything is different now

It is no longer the same

This is the most heartbroken part in this incident

Maybe I am not strong and matured enough

I cannot be as positive as you do

I should bury myself with work and revision

I feel so heavyhearted to let you go just like that

I feel that both of us still need each other

You want me to be your close friend

Then I will need a super strong and secured lock to lock all my feelings in a HUGE box

There must be no key for the lock

If not, I will be very soft-hearted to unlock it and you will be flooded with all the loves

Can our graph be an increasing gradient curve and level off instead of a normal distribution curve?

God, you put me into this kind of situation for me to learn?

I'm suck in self-learning

Can You please help me? 

Sorry readers. This is the only way I can express myself instead of crying

This is so touching..

I hope I can own you once again..

For your information, I typed my previous blog post on last Friday

Due to something, I reverted it to draft

These few days,I suffered the worst pain I have ever experienced

I know you suffer the same pain as me

I never blame you for this

Both of us came out with such a decision

I have told you most of the thing I felt

Here..the true feeling that I'm feeling right now

I feel extremely suffering and painful

The memory and so many things pop out

I keep tearing and spilling h2o

I feel my eyes sore, slowly eyes feel warm, then the tear come out unstoppably 

The pain is like someone take a knife and slice me

I feel like calling you bee

I feel like acting cute when I reply you

I feel like telling you every single things I feel

But now, I can no longer do that

Do you know how sad I feel when I typed "bee" and I deleted it?

I have put a tap in my heart to control my feeling

There cannot be a "drop" of love drip from the tap 

Nothing is more painful that you have to separate from the one you love 

Now it is officially end

I have to remember that my status to you is "friend"

You wish I can be your best friend who can listen to you 

I can but it is super duper hard for me to do so

I feel heartache because you are alone there 

Sometimes you get homesick or you face something else

You have no one to share

I always hope I can be there for you to share anything 

Neither you nor me are wrong

No one will need to take the responsibility for this incident

You hope I will be fine 

I do likewise

I feel more heartache when you try so hard to make me feel better and more positive

But you are actually facing the same thing and you have to keep it to yourself 

I can no longer think for your side as now I can't even help myself

The feeling is terrible

As what people said, this will be over soon

Time will heal every single wounds

But at this moment, I just can't stop myself from sobbing 

The sorrow did not disappear even I have cried so hard

It never get lighten 

This situation is almost the same as the day you left me

I don't know this decision is right or wrong

I don't know what God is going to give me or take away from me next time

My mind is just in a mess

Sometimes I choose not to think, just move on

It works but only last for a while

Thank you for those who care about me

I feel you and appreciate your concerns

I will just need time

Perseverance does not work when you are not given a chance

This is so so so demoralising 

I don't have much confidence now

Last time, those people who encourage me to go ahead and hold still

Your encouragements are such a great strength for me to persevere and I never doubt it

Now all this have been ruined

Gone...

I still love you

But now I have to let go 

Close the file 

*This garden is going to be flooded*

Step Into 10

Tik tok tik tok..

Hour hand and minute hand "run" swiftly

Here come our 10th 

I will never get bored to recall every single moments we had together

This will be the 3rd month you are not with me here

Somehow there is a strong connection between you and me

I never stop believing in what I believe

It may sound crazy and ridiculous

But I never have a thought of giving up

Nothing's gonna change my love for you

Remember?

What you did and said..

It is deep within me..deep within you..

Thank you for loving me 

It seems like we are meant to be

I'm grateful to have you to accept our differences

Destiny has been set for us, to work towards

Hands in unity we will penetrate the heights

Forgiveness, mercy and love will take us through

Thank you & I love you

Te amo bee

Thank you for being our connaught night market tour guide!

We really enjoy!

Luckily you can click with them well

=)
Thank you so much! 

I'm glad to see you

To make you feel my love

If you believe in God,then you will know His arrangement is meant for you to learn

No pain no gain

He will arrange nice thing after you have gone through the bad one

It is just the matter of time

In life, we will meet different kinds of people and different kinds of problems

Undeniably, God loves me

He let me meet some awesome people in my life

Without magnifying the bad part of my life, these 19 years of life is good enough

I must be grateful enough 

Do not look at the mountain which is far away

Look at the stone in front of you

We shouldn't describe the obstacles right?

However, this can only be done when you gain your positivity back

This morning, I was down due to a small matter

My world was full of dark clouds suddenly

I felt myself so useless and did some unnecessary stuffs

I didn't think I contribute to my family 

Instead, I am increasing their burden

All kinds of sh*t flooding my brain

Sitting in front of the laptop for whole day

Did those i-lectures for my lecture preparation for these two days since I have the time today

Renovated my bloggie (credit to noname.mr.h2o )

Had a super simple dinner - cereal

Thank you Jenn for coming out for me

I really appreciate that

The feeling was so warm

To the only one

You made my day

You always put efforts just to make me happy

I was so touched until I feel like tearing

I can truly feel your love 

That kind of warm feeling,guess I didn't make you feel that before right?

Seriously, I really appreciate it 

It makes me recall many things

We are always the 1 

I'm glad and lucky to have you

I'm fortunate to be the special one for you 

Thank you bee

The Second Month & The First Week

We said goodbye to August and welcome the September

Time flies,I have started my degree-Bachelor of Pharmacy in IMU

Last week was my orientation week

I'm quite lucky to meet some awesome friends and seniors here

Friends from all over the place

Some orientation programmes were pretty boring because of those uninteresting talks and briefings

Some were nice because there was a commitment between the members of the orientation group

The best one was the station games that I joined

Basically I'm still adapting to the degree life

Classes will start from this week onwards

Guess I will be getting busier and more hectic

Just hope I can do everything smoothly

Meet awesome people

*To chin

All the best! I don't know how I should you instead

Just can give you moral support and talk to you when you need a listener

There was something happened 

Yet we are still able to cope with it

No matter how long it will take

The most important thing is not to give up

We may feel tired or frustrated

But must let it last for a while only

Thank you and sorry if you feel something

We have coped it for 2 months

Smile and move on! 

The Process

The beginning is always the toughest part 

Some people choose not to continue because they cannot bear the hardship

End up with nothing

The process may be suffering but we have to proceed in order to succeed

In our daily life,we have to go through so many different processes

We may face different difficulties during the process

For me,success will not come without any hardship and endurance 

Recently I seldom update my blog 

There are happy,upset,sweet things happened

Just that I have no inspiration and time to blog about it

Friendship and relationship

I have a few great friends who always share their happiness and sadness with me

They will let me know how they think and how they feel

We are close until we can simply tease and insult each other without feeling bad

We are close until we can share something personal and private

I am glad to have friends who can be frank to me

Tell me what they think about me in order to let me improve myself

Thank you very much 

A great appreciation and gratefulness to you 

Without you,I wouldn't have realised those problems

We do respect each other 

Let them know my stands,so do them

The main thing in maintaining friendship is concern and respect

Always be a good listener when they want me to lend them my ears

Always be a good consultant when they want me to give opinions

Always be a good mirror when they want to do self reflection

Always be a good partner when they want my companion

Vice versa

That's how friendship can be maintained

Now at this age,the friends whom we are looking for are those who can help us in our life 

The true friends

Unfortunately,it is kinda hard to get this kind of friends

Therefore,we must appreciate and be grateful once we get them

God arranges everything with His reason

I always believe in that 

To my besties, thanks for making me not lonely 

Thanks for spending your time with me when I am in need 

All the best to you in your studies and life 

I may be passive sometimes but I will always think of you

To the only one

I'm coping well as you said even the process is not easy

I hope this can last as what we planned 

But must remember force no happiness

Thank you for making my days 

Without you,I will not be as positive as I can

Thank you for helping me to solve problems when I need opinions

Thank you for thinking to lighten my burden 

You are always the source of my energy besides my family and close friends

The support you gave to me means a lot to me

We are always the one 

Two hearts beat as one 

I will always be grateful and thank God 

Thanks God for sending so many wonderful and awesome people to me 

They make my life more meaningful and wonderful 

Thank you so much!