The Third Week

Today is the third week we persevere

You are still as busy as a BEE

But I can understand

I don't know what's wrong with me today

Just feel like crying

I feel that my heart is very heavy today

Suffer a bit from heartache

My day seems so packed and occupied 

But my mind is extremely emptied and messy

Trying hard to make myself feel better and happier

Maybe I need a rest or what

Seriously,I have no idea

I should make myself busier and occupy my time with many many things

So that I won't have time to think so much

Suddenly recalled how hard I cried that day

Now I feel there is sorrow deep within but I can't do anything
Not even crying

Seriously,NO IDEA

Maybe somebody said something and the "fire" in my heart is blew out

This "fire" does not stand for anger

But it is a spirit,determination

It is kinda demoralising

It is the time for me to wake myself up and keep the "fire" burning in my heart

It should not be extinguished by anything

I can stand firmly,I can...

I must tell myself to stay strong to face any possibilities

And now I should make myself adapt to a new life

A life of being alone 

Stand still and face every single difficulties alone 

Toughly...

And yea,I should be able to do it

Should be...

To Sinyee

Actually be a tutor is not really hard

Maybe I have no qualification to comment about anything 

But just to let you know patience is the most important

Your students are kids,so this is different from my situation

But I can truly understand your feeling

This is quite normal as we are students too

Sometimes we need to be a bit carefree

Not to say give up on the students or what

Maybe lecture will do

I don't know because my students are secondary school students

They should be able to understand what I'm saying

But we are human and we can't control what they think

That's why it is kinda hard to change their mind and attitude

Take it easy 

This will definitely be a good chance for you to grow and gain something

Smile and welcome it..=)

Day 18

At this tranquil night

My mind is quite peaceful

There are many inspirations but they are not organised

I'm not going to sort it out 

Just a simple and random post about my day and feeling will do

Today bee sat for his UMAT

Couldn't get the chance to chat with him more 

But I was able to wish him before his UMAT

Feel kinda sad for him because he couldn't manage to finish the paper and he felt quite disappointed

Anyway,you have done your best

Now you can relax 

Don't need to suffer in practising it any more

Please take good care of yourself

I miss you more tonight

One of my bestie told me this

To take the first step is always the toughest one

But when you continue in doing it,things will become much easier

The main secret of recipe is perseverance 

When you want to learn sth,for example I learn guitar

No one teach me and I have no basic at all

Keep searching for the guitar tutorial video in youtube

No one will know whether the way I put my fingers is correct or not

When I took the first step to learn,I need to bear with the pain 

Hold the pain and keep practising the chords 

The strings have to be pressed harder in order to produce perfect sounds

I found it tough and I wondered why my fingers are so retarded

At the same time,I tell myself not to give up

People can do it means I can do it as well

After some time,there are callus on the fingers

I can stand the pain and the pain is totally insignificant now

Although my basic still not strong and a simple intro of a song also I can't master

I choose to persevere in order to master it

Nothing is impossible

Despite I feel tired in persevering,there will be a power from my subconscious mind

Asking me not to give up and continue practising

I think that's what I should do for my study and relationship as well

I won't know what the result is
But I know if I never attempt to persevere,I will get nothing

Today I had a wonderful outing with Karen
Too bad Jenn cannot make it
We shopped and had an awesome lunch at Tony Roma's
Had a nice chatting session with her as well
A simple yet nice outing
I miss my college classmates
I'm glad to meet you
Thanks for painting one of the chapter of my life

Jenn & Sin yee
Good luck in your driving test
All the best and be confident

Half of A month

Yesterday was discussing about us 

I'm glad to come out with such a decision

You happy I happy

Distance is far but we can overcome it right?
It has been half of a month we continue like this

Hope our bond is strong enough to persevere

At the same time

We promised to be frank and trust each other

If the thing that we considered happens,then we promised to give ourselves a chance to start a new life and let go

Maybe at this time being,this will be the best way?

We won't know

But I will not regret with my own decision

In the process,we will need a lot of trusts,loves,understanding

distance between two hearts is not an obstacle,rather a beautiful reminder of how strong a true love can be 

Stay strong and move on!

Happy birthday to Karen

I'm so sorry because I couldn't manage to wish you at 12.00am

Have a blast 

Thanks for your concern 

I appreciate it

A friend who always motivate me when I'm slacking

Push me and encourage me when I'm lost

Thank you

Sorry to Sin Yee for the last minute cancellation

I would like to replace one if there is a chance 

Promise

Sorry to Zi Chian and Li Chin

I couldn't play my role well when you vent your depression to me

I know my reply is seriously terrible and useless

Couldn't manage to console you when you're emo and frustrated

Couldn't manage to encourage and motivate you when you're demotivated and stressful

Couldn't manage to make you smile even when you're sad and depressed 

I fail in being a good listener and friend

I seriously hope that I can give you the strength to move on

Maybe not that great but at least something that can make you feel relax for a while or relieved

I will support you from my deep heart core

Hope you can receive it and stay strong

This is just a part of life

Go with the flow

Another 30 minutes 

It will be 20th of July

Our 8th monthsary

Maybe you will feel weird as he is not here anymore

But our final decision
GO WITH THE FLOW

So now we consider together?

I don't know

Don't think so much

He will always be the one whom I will refer to when I have problems or anything to share 

He will always be the reason for me to smile

Even it is just a text message

I saw a quote

"never give up on anybody because miracles happen everyday."

Don't know whether I should believe or not but it is kinda true

Just go with the flow will do

About my h3lix

I'm practising "qing tian" by Jay Chou

At the same time I'm practising my transition

Today my fingers are naughty

My ring finger kept touching the next string 

Once I have adjusted my ring finger

My pinky pressed improperly 

I really have some problems in coordinating my limbs and fingers

That's why I have to put much more effort to play string instruments

But I won't give up easily as I believe practice makes perfect

Now my intro part sounds like an intro 

Hope I can play it more smoothly

Then come to strumming part

Life still the same

Managed to sort my photos out and made it more organised

So I spent some time in doing it 

I wish I can improve myself during this holiday before I start my degree

My brain is a bit lag 

Even a simple calculation also I will make mistake

It seems I have to put some efforts in improving myself in order to be a better person

I bought an English book which I hope I can improve my word power for better expression

Those words or preposition that we will get confused are in

But seriously I hope I can start reading English novels

I just don't understand why I don't have the interest in reading it

Partly because I always need a dictionary beside when I'm reading English novel

This is really potong stim

Friday comes again

It comes to the end of a week

Very soon we have to say goodbye to July and say Hi to August

Today should be the 12th day since you have been there

Take care

Noname 

I understand the "last minute" feeling

No worries yea

Keep the good memories and let go the bad one

It is good enough to have a chance to enjoy with them yea

And I know you may take a while to mmm

Because I understand the feeling very well

So...take time and stay strong

Your ming zhong zhu ding..what doesn't kill you make you stronger!

Cavan

So sorry because I couldn't manage to help you to get your thing done

Hope you can find a suitable one and she will feel surprised

She will like whatever you buy 

I'm sure

Sinyee

All the best in your job

I'm sure you can handle quite well

Zichian & Lichin

The busiest one

I understand how busy and stressful you are

But please take good care of yourself 

Take a rest or a deep breathe after burying yourself in the tonnes of tasks for long time

Okay

I'm sorry for being wordy and long-winded 

Good night peeps

And it is 12:00 AM now

=)

ILY

The 9th Day-170712

In one month time

I am going to get my final result

By that time,I will know where and what I will pursue

During this holiday

I just continue my teaching and I didn't look for any other part time job

Actually I don't know whether I should or not

Maybe I should work for one month from now?
But I worry after my result day
I will be busy with my uni application

So now I'm like half-hanging there

When we have nothing to do

We tend to think a lot

About anything

Life is so complicated...
Don't really like to slack like now
But those friends who are doing their degree now
Complain how busy they are how stressful they are
Kinda scary though
That's life
In the future,we will miss this kind of life

Honeybee
Get well soon okay?
Take good care of yourself

Aimless life
I don't really like it
What to do...

The First Week

Time flies

You have been there for one week time

Glad to know that you like the place

But kinda worry when you worry about future life there

I wish I'm able to make you feel secured

I don't know what we are

But even as a friend,a close friend

I just hope I can help you when you're in need

It seems the pain is getting lessen

Maybe we get used to it

What I feel is

I miss you more and more as time goes on

When I'm free

Our sweet memories keep popping out

I smile alone when I recalled those memories

At the same time

I feel sad 

I'm satisfied because I get the chance to chat with you everyday

Even the duration is so much shorter compared to last time

You're just too hard for me to let go and forget at this moment

My C cube bebe

Hope everything is alright there and take care 

Once again I want to thank those who care for me

Some of you really kind because you all received the instruction from the boss

You guys really take good care of me and make sure I'm okay

Thank you very much and I'm touched

To Pumpkin

I don't really know how to help you when you told me how busy you are

I know I'm pretty useless

I don't know how to give you motivation and support

I suck

To Noname

All the best in HELP

Let's rot together before we start our degree

To syane.ms.h2o

Please master your guitar

4th Day

The daily question

How you feel today? Is the pain lessen? 

The answer will be okay okay lu. 

I don't know

I need you and I miss you SO badly today

Heartache too

Night time I suffer

No more tearing,weeping and crying

Yet the sorrow never subside 

The society is falling sick

I never expect this kind of thing will happen to my family

My house was intruded by thief 

The thief stole a laptop,my mum's purse and hand phone,my brother's PSP

This morning I got shocked when I woke up because I saw the gate was opened after I opened the door

The lock was missing and the gate was widely opened

Something bad must be happened

When I walked to my parents' room,I noticed that the laptop in the living room was missing

I immediately woke my mum up and she realised her purse and hand phone were stolen

My mum was sleeping with the door open in the morning

This happened in the morning in between 8am to 9am!

Such a busy and terrifying morning

Luckily my room's door was closed and my guitar in my bro's room is not stolen

And fortunately we were sleeping that time

I can't imagine what will happen if we were awake that time

Guess the thief will show us his weapon and force us to give him everything that are valuable

I feel so insecure now

If I stay at home alone,I will make sure I find something to do

If not I will start thinking and feel insecure

My mum was traumatised by this incident

God gave me too many bad things recently

My mum's foot injured in May

My bro's new hand phone was robbed few weeks ago

My mum's car was knocked by someone few weeks ago

My dad's car was knocked by someone few days ago

My sis cannot do their job smoothly this few days

I lose someone important few days ago

God,if you can hear me

Please..I pray to You..please take all these bad things away

We just want an ordinary and safe life

We work so hard to get money and things that we want

Never steal never rob 

Please give us a more stable life 

Please bring some good lucks and good things to our life

Thank You

Too many things happened recently

I'm really exhausted

And I feel so helpless

Even my intimate is facing problems also I can't help her

I'm such an useless friend

I can't help people to lessen the pain

I keep making people worry about me

I can't help people to solve problems

I'm just too

Useless....

HENG LI XUAN

Please get up from the pain and start living like a man

Third Day

I thought I get an answer in the afternoon
But I saw sth at night
It didn't really make me confused but it made me feel a bit "shaken"
Now I tell myself
I will continue doing that
Start changing my mindset slowly
And let go slowly
It is going to be a long term project 

No one can help in this project but only syane.ms.h2o alone

Thanks for those who commented,texted and called

I appreciate your concerns

I will be fine soon

This afternoon

Sitting alone

Clearing my room alone

I have no one to talk to 

I'm all alone

My world is so silent at that moment

Loneliness doesn't attack me during daytime 

Yet I didn't feel peaceful

Kinda contradicting and complicated

And you

My cute friend broke the silence

I feel that the world is so warm and secured when I know you are at the another corner of the world

This few days my mind is so messy

To do or not to do

This or that 

The worst thing is that night

All I have to do is 

Sail to slumberland now

Hope you can sleep well too

 n $$!w ! 13 3 3

Second Day

Somewhere must be sunny all the time because someone awesome is there
Here raining for whole day

Thanks noname.mr.h2o for the day
As what she said
A memorable day
She got wet because of me
I feel so bad
Thanks for accompanying me to get my online pin and settle some other stuff
Thanks to the rain
I walked until I get blisters
One thing is settled
One more to go
Had an awesome 5.5 hours K session with noname

Snapped pictures
You made my day
You really like a small kid
I don't know why I feel that
Seriously
A very relaxing day with you
Thanks a lot
Appreciate a lot
Love yea

To sweet pumpkin
Take care
I don't know how to help you
I can only give you some moral supports
Please don't fall sick and don't give up
Persevere..

When I was thinking about the issue
Coincidentally,my laptop is playing I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz
Night time too free
Have a lot of time to think
Just now I practised to play chords
Now I think I left F,Fm and Gm
Going to learn transition and scales soon
Hwaiting,syane.ms.h2o and h3lix
Should have forgotten what happened last night
Smile and move on
God,please guide me what to do..
Crossing fingers

First Day

20112011
The day we were coupled together
There was a sleepless night
So unbelievable 

The kind of feeling lasted for few days
Still cannot believe it until "yours fits mine"
08072012
The day you migrated 

There were few sleepless nights
Still cannot believe that now my life is without you
Now what I feel is numbness
I don't know what I should feel
Just now in the bathroom
I wept
The water mixed with my tears
I couldn't even differentiate between them
Dear readers
I'm sorry for my emo posts recently

But this is the only way I can express myself without hiding any feeling,any sorrow
Shed tears
Wipe tears

When come to night
Sleep is the best way to control my emotion
Stopping you from running in my mind
Keeping you nicely in my deep heart core
When will the sorrow in me subside?
Seriously,I don't know what I feel now
I'm happy to receive your messages
I'm really really excited to read it!
But at the same time,I feel ....
Fine,maybe I should be as positive as you
Hehe haha hehe haha hehe

Sleepless Night

I couldn't sleep well this few nights
Guess this will continue for a couple of days
In another 11 minutes time
Bee will be flying to Perth,Australia
Tears dried yesterday
Today my eyes are dry
No more tear
But the pain from inside is still the same
Heartache
Very painful
My eyelids very heavy
Guess this is the effect after crying and have not enough sleep
Bee
I will try to be strong and positive
Thanks for trusting me
You just off phone and my heart become heavy
Thanks God for arranging our meeting
The awesome and wonderful guy in syane.ms.h2o's life
The hen ke ai bee
Now my mind is pretty empty
But I just want to come here to gain some tranquility
Bee
I love you
All the best in Australia
In your UMAT,part time job,uni application and further study
Take good care of yourself
I won't forget our hearts are related
I happy you happy
So I will try not to emo
Goodbye,my beloved...

080712

0835

The moment I lose someone whom I love

An endless night 1

Actually I don't mean to tear
But I just can't control
I wish I can just cry and everything will be fine
But that is not possible
If I really think that way then I'm just too naive
When you asked me what I want
Seriously I don't know
I have to consider about your situation
I cannot be so selfish
I wish to continue but what you consider is not wrong
God gave me such a great challenge
Mean I must learn to overcome it
How nice if you are with me
At least I'm not alone
And you're not alone
Distance further,bond length longer,bond strength weaker with time
This should be the mindset now?
Can I ?

Don't tell me to find a better one now
My heart is closed now
Give me some time
This is not puppy love for me
This is my first love
Which is the most memorable one
I don't know what will happen in the future
But now
I know it is pain
Count down
20 hours
Bee...
I can't afford to lose you
But I will try my best to let you go
Bon voyage

Sometimes when we touch

You always on my mind
I'm happy because you were surprised by my surprises
I'm glad that you like the presents
It is worthy for me to spend time going there just to get the hard case
Luckily I managed to get a hard case which Helix 1 can sleep nicely
And you can put so many other accessories inside
Worth it worth it
Another surprise
Our first couple thing
I really worried that you won't like the design
Because it is so different from what you have it now
Luckily you said you like it so much
And I can really see the happiness from your cute face
My excitement rises from the deep heart core
Don't need to feel what and keep asking about the price

It is for you so is doesn't matter
Just want to do something for my beloved bee
That's all
I didn't think that much
Really worth it to do all this for you
Our first guitar session since I got H3lix
I know I'm a bit dumb and slow right
Fingers and strumming still very cacat
The homework from my "teacher"
By next Saturday
I must master every chords and the transition
I can do it!
Count down
61 hours
ILY 

Be grateful Part II

Thanks dear for organising
He is unable to celebrate my birthday this year
So he asked some of my close friends to chip in to buy me a guitar
Which he wanted to do so badly
Never know Cavan and Raj will appear!
That's the mini surprise dear meant
I stunned for more than 0.01 s okay?
Hahahaha
We went for badminton session
Sweat sweat sweat
Lunch together
That is the first time we all talked about C&S relationship
So it is no longer a secret for them
After lunch then Bentley
Quite surprising actually
The guitar costs 400 bucks with bag,picks and tuner
Ibanez Acoustic
My Helix3
Thank you Dear,Jenn,Cavan & Raj
Really touched and surprised
This is the most expensive present I received from friends
Thank you once again
I'm happy to spend time with you guys
Maybe this will be the last time for us to reunion?
And dear
Guess I'm ready to accept ady
You can do it
I can do it too
I want you to go without any sadness
And I will always remember about the deal
God let me enjoyed for 7 months plus
I should be grateful enough to let go
Keep in touch
Will keep all the fond memories
Miss your everything
Last but not least
You can't stop me from saying
ILY

知足

六天五夜的trip 终于告一段落了
期间发生了一些不愉快的事情
但也有很多大家共同的回忆
这将会是我们最后一次那么完整的group trip

现在觉得很疲惫
但很想来这里抒发自己的情绪
原来我
真的真的真的真的真的真的真的真的
很不舍得你
尽管多么努力的压抑自己的情绪
最终也崩溃了
机场的离别拥抱
我忍住了眼泪
因为我认为那不是我们最后一次见面
就很不想那么早跟你告别
接下来的离别拥抱
我决堤了
泪水再也忍不住了
很想笑着跟你说再见
那么你就不需要有任何的牵挂
放心的离开我
但是我还是失败了
当下的感觉就是不舍得
你真的很特别，很独特
令我没有办法放手
就很想继续走下去
但我知道现在这一切都是不可能了

你常常告诉我要知足

跟你在一起这220天
让我学会了很多
很快的，我必须适应没有你的日子

少了你对我的嘘寒问暖
少了你对我撒娇
少了你那些无聊但好笑的joke
少了你温柔的声音
少了你的吉他声与歌声
少了你对我的唠叨
少了你跟我分享日常生活照
少了你那一些很特别很特别很特别的sound effect
少了你那一些我听不厌的故事
少了你那些大道理
少了你的拥抱
少了你的疼爱
少了你的吻
少了你的爱
少了你的一切一切
留下的就只是我们之间的回忆
留下的只有遗憾
留下的只有曾经幸福的感觉
留下曾经被你拥有过的幸福
留下一些悲伤
尽管如此
我从来没有后悔过我当初的决定
就是跟你开始
你真的有种魔力
可以让我空荡荡的脑袋
充满着你的模样
你的声音
我们的一切
眼泪干了
时间少了
真的真的真的真的真的真的
不
舍
得
还有
我
爱
你
恒